Judge on facts, not perceptions

This is my Blog. Welcome. Those who know me will probably be saying “what the hell!!! She’s lost it again”. Those who don’t know me or know me only as a colleague or acquaintance may well be shocked to hear what I have to ramble about. But here is the great thing about resources such as blogging, you can opt to follow my ramblings or, if you don’t like what you read, please feel free not to read any more. I most certainly will not be offended.
In this episode of my ramblings I have decided to share why I have chosen to be involved with the Teen Moms Support Group KZN .
In December 1979 I gave birth, via emergency caesarean, to a beautiful, black haired, blue eyed, baby girl whom I named Bronwyn. I was just 17 years old. Strict instructions from my father, when I told him of my plight, “no marriage, no abortion and definitely no keeping of baby” put paid to my dream of keeping my baby girl. I fought for 9 long months and eventually lost the fight and had to put Bronwyn up for adoption. I have over the years learned that that is life, we win some and we lose some. And those we lose are often part of the lessons of life.
To this day I do not know where Bronwyn is and what has transpired in her life. Not for lack of wanting to know but rather for fear of rejection.
Two years later, also at the age of 17, my little sister gave birth to her beautiful daughter whom she had to give up for adoption. She had kept contact with all parties concerned and when her daughter was 18 she contacted my sister and they have been in contact ever since. My sister has 2 wonderful granddaughters to be proud of.
Now, years later my daughter from my first marriage sprang the news that she was pregnant (thank goodness she waited till she was 21). I could have strangled her. I had always been open with my family, especially my daughters, about Bronwyn. I had hoped the girls would have learned by my mistakes. Obviously not. What to do? Give the same instructions I was given? I think not. Inform her of her options and support her all the way is the path I chose. I now enjoy the delightful charms of my granddaughter. Her laughter and energy fill our house on a regular basis and I cannot imagine life without her. It took my husband over a year to come to terms with these events, but even he has been drawn into the joyous world of this bundle of energy.

Maddie - my pride and joy

Two months ago I found out about Teen Moms Support Group KZN and met with Michelle. Her passion in helping young moms is palpable. She is determined to help these young ladies in any way she can, from giving out donated baby clothing to monthly support meetings were thoughts, concerns, and guidance is shared. It is also an environment conducive to making friends with others in the same situation. Having watched Michelle interact with these Moms, one quickly realises how comforting she is. They are able to share anything with her. Her compassion and understanding seems to know no bounds. She is non judgemental and gives freely.
My participation in this group is to help spread the word about this worthy cause and hopefully to teach some craft skills to those Moms who would like to learn them.
Why do so many young girls fall pregnant? The reasons are many, some are true oopsies, others are actually “planned” by a young girl (often abused or neglected) wanting to have a baby to fill the emotional “hole”. Reality soon dawns and life becomes an uphill battle.
Those who have oopsies often opt for abortion (which leaves it own emotional scarring). They did not plan for and do not want a baby. This is their choice.
But there are many (especially in today’s times) that opt to keep their babies. Again, their choice. I stress the word “choice” as this is our God given right. There are always consequences to choices, good and bad. But we should still have the freedom to choose.
This next section is not for sensitive readers –
Picture the scene – a young girl of 16 has experienced sexual and/or physical abuse since a toddler (if not younger). She has been exposed to pornography and foul language for most of her life. The only time she is shown love is when her “Daddy” wants sexual favours. The rest of the time she is a useless excuse for a human being who will never amount to anything. Mommy loves her but is both helpless to protect her and resentful for the attentions she gets. Along comes this charming and seemingly loving boy and “deflowers” her officially. He fulfils her dreams of being loved and cherished and having his baby would make everything perfect.
Now tell me, you self righteous judgemental people out there, what would you do if the tables were turned? Please don’t get me wrong, this is not the same experience for all teenage moms but if you took the time to listen you would be surprised at how similar the stories are. Even if no physical or sexual abuse is apparent, there is always a theme of emotional deprivation in one way or another.
I sound angry? I am. I am tired of being judged for who I was instead of being accepted for who I am.
To people like Michelle and Teen Mom Support Group, keep up the good work and thank you for accepting what is and helping these young ladies move forward.
This blog is dedicated to all the teen moms and their babies out there and most especially to my first born, Bronwyn Yvonne Kahl , 28 December 1979 (her registered birth name) I will always love and miss you.